Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
