I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
