No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
