I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
