He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
