so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
