The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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