Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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