i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
