so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
