2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
