bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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