You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
