Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
