why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
