Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
