My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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