problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
