Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
