I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we made out on top of his cat.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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