You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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