Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When are your genitals available?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Panties = found
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
