drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
