He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
