Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
