Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
