you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
