Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
