he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
