Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
