did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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