plz talk dirty to me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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