I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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