I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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