I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
