You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
