He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize