I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
