I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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