you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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