maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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