he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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