pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
