i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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