he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize