Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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