another moral hangover. fuck.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
