Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize