My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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