Can Purell be used as lube?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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