i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
