Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize