Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
