Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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