Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
