The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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