Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
