someone threw a dead crab at me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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