If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
