Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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