currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
