Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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