tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
