Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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