I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
