"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
