508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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