so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
