once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
