she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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