sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
