That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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