How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
