we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
