I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize