It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
