Michael Bay diarrhea
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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