My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
