Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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