Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She said her name was "party"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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