Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
