Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm getting married
To pizza
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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