1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
