the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
being pregnant is like rehab
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
