I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
