I hope mine doesn't look like that
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize