i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
