I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
