i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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