i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
