this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
