Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No subtext here. People are naked.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
