oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
