nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
