I faked an abortion last night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
