Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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