do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
