then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize