Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
