There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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