summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
