I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
