should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
