I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
