last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
